Saturday, January 19, 2008

Top 10 Ways To Get The Left Onboard With The War On Terror

For many years now I have just been perplexed over why the Left seems to focus its hatred not on those who despise the West's respect for women, its openness and its view of all being equal before the law (read here, Islamofacists). Rather, the Left focuses its hatred on the one freely elected politician who, unwaveringly, has focused on eradicating the aforementioned threat. Think about it: if you (a rabid Leftist with bumperstickers all over your hatchback) have committed your life to openness and equality, who is the more useful focus of your venom: 7th Century Barbarians who control every facet of life and what to extend the same control over YOU, or the freely elected politician who does nothing to silence his critics as he (GWB) works to eliminate the 7th Century Barbarians in their quest to fulfill their goal?

Folks, those of us Right-of-Center who know the stakes have to devise a scheme to get the Left onboard with the struggle. In this struggle, nothing less than prosperous civil society is at stake. Here are my David Lettermanesque Top Ten Ways To Get The Left Onboard in the War On Islamofasicsm. There has to be a way to get the Western Left to see that its not "neocons", the United States, and the Bush Administration that pose the greatest threat to their veggie burgers being readily available. We need to get them to focus their animosity on the real enemy, even if by less than straight-forward methods. Here we go.


10. Bin Laden video tape exhorting the believers to double their intake of Transfats.

9. Rumor Central: Bin Laden to grant exclusive interview to Fox News.

8. Photoshop: Bin Laden shopping at Wal Mart.

7. Photoshop: Bin Laden part of this golf foursome: Dick Cheney, Karl Rove, and Bill O'Reilly.

6. Rumor Central: Bin Laden driving the paparazzi car chasing Princess Di on the night of the crash.

5. Intelligence suggests al-Qaeda plan to suicide-bomb Starbucks's home office.

4. Photoshop: Bin Laden buying a carton of Camel No-filters.

3. Intelligence report: Bin Laden buys a 1974 Chrysler Cordoba rather than a hybrid.

2. Photoshop: Hidden Camera catches bin Laden throwing empty waterbottle in trashcan rather than recycle bin.

and the number one way to get the Left onboard with the Global War on Islamofascism:

1. Doctored video tape of bin Laden repeatedly "using the 'N-Word'".

Lets get busy.