Thursday, September 24, 2015

Why I Detest Athlete Interviews

I saw this cartoon floating around the internet and immediately burst out in laughter.  Why?  Because it makes a point that I've mumbled to myself for many years.  Athlete interviews are predictable and 90% of the time tedious and painful to listen to.  Chances are, the athlete being interviewed is a great athlete but not going to be running for president anytime soon.  The old stereotype about the dense athlete is unfair - as all stereotypes are - but has a certain ring of truth to it.

Here is the typical scene post game that is at best eye rolling and at worst, agonizing.

Studio Announcer: Ok, lets go down to the field with Hottie Lottie and all of her plastic body parts, she's standing by with Lightning Jackson.

Hottie Lottie: Thanks, Jim.  Lightning, impressive win today.  Thoughts?

Lightning: yeah, you know, we  just, play all four quarters/nine innings/three periods of the game/match.  You know, we just give it 110% every day, each man on this team knows his role.  There's a lot of respect for coach in the locker room and guys have a different attitude this year, you know?

Hottie Lottie: Yeah, Lightning.  So what was your impression of the opponent today?

Lightning: You know, they get a lotta respect in the league, you know, they play 110% everyday and you can tell they function as a team, every man on that team knows his role and theres a lot of respect for the coach, you know?

Hottie Lottie: Thanks Lightning

Lightning, having no idea the name of the plastic blonde that just interviewed him: Ok, thanks (runs away)

Hottie Lottie: Ok, back to you guys

Back in the studio, three to five former athletes that can actually form a coherent sentence (which is why they have the studio jobs) say:

Studio guy #1: Wow!  What an impressive young man!

Studio guy #2: Thanks Lottie!

Honestly, even the coaches are 50% of the time as boring and predictable.

Bill Bradley not-withstanding (and even he was a Democrat, chances are his interviews were just as vapid.  Including when he was a player), just let the athletes play, spare me the predictable and cliched interviews.

In the spirit of this type of humor, I give you one of the best scenes from the great 2000 remake of an old Peter Sellers movie, Bedazzled: