According to the President, Americans:
- Cling bitterly to their guns and their religion – two things that are part of the backbone of America’s rise to greatness
- Can’t just heat their homes and drive their SUVs nonstop and expect the rest of the world to “be ok with it” while he heats his office to 80 degrees and flies Pizza Chefs around the country to feed him
- Aren’t smart enough to understand his greatness. He’s been so busy spending money, ramming unpopular measures down their throats, running up debt, sucking up to dictators, vilifying the successful and overseeing 3+ years of rampant unemployment/underemployment that he hasn’t had time to educate us on why he is so great.
- Can’t speak any foreign languages like French, except to say “Merci Boucoup”. As it turns out, he can’t speak French either. But that’s no fault of his own.
- Who own small businesses need to get over themselves and realize that their hard work is at best equal to the things government does for them.
- Should, at some point, realize they've made enough money.
This list is going to grow. I’m doing it all from memory. Stay tuned.