Saturday, September 6, 2008

Iowahawk's Brilliant Tire Pressure Strategy

The blogger Iowahawk - obviously a Big Ten Homer, but I digress - has hit the nail square on the head. Heading Barack Obama's call to render the oil offshore, in Anwr, and in the Rocky Mountains irrelevant, Iowahawk has written a post on his blog outlining a sure fire solution to address gas consumption through tire pressure. If you are an automechanic, you will especially appreciate his approach. Empty your bladder before reading this, as you will surely wet yourself and awake sleeping family member from the laughter:

"A careful analysis of the statistics reveals significant national gas savings can be achieved through adjusting tire pressure on America's growing fleet of Toyota Priuses. And that's where this little baby comes in: the valve stem core remover.

valve stem core remover

Available at any NAPA or Pep Boys for a few bucks, this ingenious energy-saving device has long been an indispensable part of the high school prankster's toolbox. Now, with an estimated 500,000 Priuses menacing our roadways -- each consuming 300 gallons of Earth-raping gasoline per year -- it is a key weapon in our battle for energy independence. Here's how it works:
  1. Locate nearby Priuses, starting with the one with the thickest layer of bumper stickers.
  2. Make sure Prius is not moving, and the area is free of police and surveillance cameras.
  3. Remove valve cap, starting with passenger side rear.
  4. Insert brass end of core remover tool into center of valve.
  5. Turn counterclockwise until core is removed. You should hear a loud "wooshing" sound and within a few seconds Prius tire pressure should be at its correct 0 p.s.i.
  6. Repeat steps 3-5 on each tire until Prius is completely inoperable, taking care to keep valve stem cores in safe place such as pocket or nearby ravine bushes.

Just think -- if we all remain vigilant and do our part, we can save America up to 150,000,000 gallons of gasoline per year! Not to mention reduced slow-moving retard congestion in America's HOV lanes.

And that's just one of the ideas that our campaign has for getting us back on the track to national energy sustainability. In future policy briefs, I'll be discussing my ideas for increased domestic energy exploration on America's inoperable Priuses, using simple tools such as pry bars and siphoning tubes."

Fellow Republican Auto mechanics, can I get an "amen"??