Saturday, September 24, 2011

At Ministry of Information, AP Division, Monday Morning....

Its a gray, cool day at the Washington Bureau of the Ministry of Information, Associated Press Division. A young, ambitious editor walks into the senior editor's office, nervous, unsure as to why he's been summoned. He knocks softly, the senior editor looks up, waves him in with a look of disdain as he hangs up the phone.

Editor: "you wanted to see me, Skip?"

Senior Editor: "Johnson, just who the f*** is Tom Raum?? And what the f*** is he doing printing robber baron horsesh** like this??"

The senior editor holds up a printed copy of the Raum article "Obama Plan Would Make Small Dent in Jobless Rate".

Editor: "but skip, the unemployment rate after the second 'stimulus' is passed, would most likely be closer to ten percent than five. The truth needs to be told, that's what we learned in J School."

Senior Editor: "yes, Johnson, you Koch Brothers bourgeois suck up, we did learn that in J School. But we also learned the preserving the status of minorities in power and Democrats takes precedent over telling the truth. Thank God you weren't in this chair in 2008 or these crayon eating minions in flyover country would have actually known who Bill Ayers was."

The Senior Editor continues his rant.

"Look, Johnson, you are here at the Ministry of Information to promote the success of America's First Black President. Do you know how important that is?"

"Yes, Skip."

"I understand that the President knows less about basic economics than the average runway model. But that's not the important part. Your job, Johnson, is not to let some rookie coffee snatcher like this Raum moron slip this piece of supply side propaganda through and embarrass the president. You know that sound you hear, Johnson? That 'whooshing' sound? That's the sound of this Raum bozo unzipping Art Laffer's fly. And if you want to continue on as an editor here at the Ministry of Information I suggest you make the same sound happen to MY fly."

"Now Skip?"

"No, Johnson, Christ I should have busted you to Bristol Palin detail when I had the opportunity. I don't mean literally. Now, get your ass out there and set this Raum guy straight. I want to see something from this guy along the lines of "Michelle Obama Saves Baby Whale" or something like that. No more of this factual nonsense about the jobs rate still being in.... what's this mouthbreather describing it as... 'in nosebleed territory for at least three more years'".

"Understood, Skip. Won't happen again."

"See that it doesn't, you Fox News reject. "