Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Words of Wisdom From Comrade Kurgman, People's Cube Keynesian (A Sugarcoat) - Revised And Expanded

"One does not achieve international academic acclaim by trotting out childish nonsense about how abundance drives down prices."

More on Prices:

"Prices are what others charge when they sell things to you. What determines prices? Basically, the greed of the seller. As we all know from first-hand experience, a greedy seller will charge high prices, a progressive seller will charge low prices, and the most humane seller will give everything away for free. And from this axiom, we conclude that governments are the most humane of all because governments have the power to provide everything for us without cost."

On Taxes:

"Taxes are best when they are egalitarian; i.e., everyone ends up with an equal income regardless of what they are initially paid. This is economically crucial because history has shown that people are happiest when they feel no envy -- and the best tax is therefore one that leaves everyone with nothing."

On Profits:

"Profits are unearned income that greedy corporations make by gouging customers."

On Unemployment:

"And once these jobs are gone, they are lost forever. Never again will we see the manure sweeper in our major cities or people manufacturing slide-rules. And no longer will we see weavers, dyers, pin-makers, millers, leech-doctors (greedy patients!) – and, I fear, camera-store owners and film developers. Remember: Once people become unemployed, they will never find work again."

On Trade:

"Needless to say, someone must always lose in any voluntary transaction."

"And we also know that affluence can only be achieved by taking things from poor people."

On Demand:

"How about another example. When the New York Times raised the price for reading my columns from zero to $50 a year, how do you think that affected the size of my audience? Well, that's proprietary information that you're not allowed to know. But the truth is that my audience will increase because the product is now called "Times Select" and every common layperson knows that slogans convey value. In fact, the new slogan could probably fetch much more than $50, so in fact the value-to-price ratio increased, and so will my audience."